Relationship, Love, & Psychosexual Therapy
Relationship & sex therapy can be helpful and sometimes crucial to navigate different issues & stages in a relationship.
Some of the things I specifically work with :
- exploring potential & life goals at the beginning of a marriage
- guiding through change when a couple becomes a family
- approaching a second marriage/life commitment; working to avoid repeating past
behaviours
- to support a relationship after bereavement, financial loss or the impact of a long-
term illness
- moving forwards after an affair or betrayal
- improving communication, particularly dealing with anger
- relationships in crisis
- navigating divorce & the ending of a relationship
- exploring sexual relations & their changes through a relationship, from disparity of
sexual desire to wanting more imaginative sex & how to meet a partner’s needs
Every relationship creates something greater than two individuals—it creates a shared life.
Over time, that relationship develops its own patterns, strengths and vulnerabilities. When difficulties arise it can be surprisingly painful to experience that relationship now overwhelmed by misunderstanding, hurt or disconnection; as David Schnarch puts it when
we it has moved from ideal to ordeal.
My approach draws on attachment theory, psychotherapy, trauma-informed practice, and
particularly Imago Relationship Therapy®. Together these approaches help us understand
not only what is happening between you now, but also how each partner's early
experiences and subsequent unconscious expectations shape our relationships.
But underlying all of my work is a Psychosynthesis perspective. Alongside helping couples
understand attachment patterns and relational dynamics, I am interested in supporting
each partner to reconnect with their sense of who they are. While relationships inevitably
expose our wounds, they also offer opportunities for healing and transformation.
Attachment heals the past. Psychosynthesis includes the future: Attachment theory asks,
"What happened to you?" Psychosynthesis then also asks "Who are you becoming?" Whilst
we need to understand the past we also work to build or regain a relationship that fosters
creativity, meaning, purpose and personal growth—for each individual and for the
relationship itself.
‘Our mistakes & regrets are not barriers to becoming who we can be; they are a necessary ingredient.’
D Schnarch
Conflict doesn't always mean there isn't love, it can signal that someone or both/all need change, expansion or deeper understanding. Rather than asking who is right or wrong, we become curious about what the relationship is asking of each of you & what you are asking of it
The task is not just asking 'What do I need?' but "What serves this relationship?" Together, we explore the patterns that keep you stuck, as a route to helping you both/all understand not only your own reactions but also what lies beneath them. Healthy relationships can allow both individuality and connection. The goal is not perfect agreement, nor being the winner, but healing, learning how to remain connected without losing yourself & each other. When we drop projections and assumptions we move into genuine understanding & love can deepen: intimacy begins where performance ends - both emotionally & sexually.
So, from the ideal of romantic love to the ordeal of power struggles where most get stuck, successful therapy will get you to real deal: working together on unfinished business & starting to work on future goals & wishes. Research shows that on average people have three main relationships over the life span. Esther Perel suggests we can choose to have those with three different people or as 3 incarnations of a relationship with one person.t feels difficult to face alone & to find the change you seek.
How we will work together:
At its best, a relationship becomes a place where both people can grow & expand into more of who they may be. Our first step together is to get you to a place of better communication & the ability to resolve conflict.
'People don't want to calm down because then they see things they sort of know but didn't want to face.'
D Schnarch
Then the focus is on helping each partner reconnect with the parts of themselves that have become hidden through life's experiences: this may sometimes mean one or all partners going to personal therapy for a period.
Then we work together either to create or rebuild a relationship so that it feels resilient and alive & explore what & who you could become together through a stronger more compassionate partnership…Or how to disband a relationship with kindness, retaining reasonable communication & hopefully care & even friendship.
No relationship can 'go back to how it was' after a crisis but it can change, not always end & potentially grow into something different but stronger, more authentic & most importantly more loving.
‘You don’t think your way to a new way of living. You live your way to a new way of
thinking’. D Schnarch
I am a registered member of the British Association of Counselling & Psychotherapy (MBACP):
P.G Dip (3 year postgraduate diploma) in Psychosynthesis Psychotherapy & Counselling (Level 7 - University of Middlesex accredited)
Certificate in Psychosexual Therapy (COSRT accredited)
Postgraduate Diploma in Psychodynamic Counselling (WPF affiliated, BACP accredited)
Person-Centred Certificate in Counselling Skills (BACP accredited)
Youth Mindfulness for 7-11yr olds (awarded by Youth Mindfulness Ltd)
My continued professional training includes:
Mindfulness for Stress Reduction (MBCT/MBSR)
Complex trauma certification training
Working with adult survivors of child abuse
Working with sexuality
Working with couples
Working with guilt & shame; working with anger
“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you
deal with incompatibility.” Leo Tolstoy